First Date Friday – Ayo, I started using technology

Recently I did something I never thought I would do. I joined an online dating site. Now, as you’re gasping, let me explain. I work full time, as many of you do as well, and I spend most of my free time at the gym (which, as you all know, is a women’s only fitness studio), making it rather difficult to meet members of the opposite sex. As a serial monogamist, I decided to hop on the dating train for a bit, just to see what it was like. Why online dating, you ask? Well, there are a few reasons. For starters, there’s something kind of off about meeting someone in a bar or club. And with our isolated society, no one is going to approach you in a grocery store or a coffee shop. So I figured I’d use technology to my advantage and see what the online dating scene is like. First Date Fridays will not only chronicle some of my first dates, but also give you great tips on planning your own dates, from where to go, what to do and even what to wear.

But today, I’d like to have a chat with those ladies and gentlemen who are in the same boat as I am. To my fellow online daters, I’d like to impart some knowledge on how to have a gratifying experience in the online dating pool. Follow these tips and you could possibly avoid a few headaches.

1. A picture is worth way more than a thousand words – As I’ve said time and time again, people will ALWAYS judge a book by its cover. Chose pictures that will make a person what to continue to read the rest of your profile. I’m not saying they have to be professional pictures that have been retouched and photoshopped and all that craziness, because, let’s face it, as much as we’d love it, there is no “real-life-shop”, so choose pictures that show the real you. Smile! And as your main photo, I’d discourage you from using an action shot or a group picture. It just confuses people. Yeah, I know some of you are like “Well, I shouldn’t be judged on my looks alone. I have a great personality, blah blah blah.” Honey, something’s gotta catch their attention and normally, the headline’s not it. We’re a very visually stimulated society. So stimulate them! But please, have some class and refrain from posting racy pictures. That just sends the wrong message. Leave a little something to the imagination to get the respect you deserve. 
2. Be your own border patrol – There are always going to be some sleaze balls prowling online dating sites. You can filter some of those out of your experience with a few simple clicks of the mouse. For most sites, you can set parameters for who can contact you. If you’re like me and refuse to date a smoker, then, guess what? No messages from them! Think about what you are willing to tolerate and those things which are non-negotiables and save yourself the drama associate with the deal breaker conversation. 
3. Let them see your true colors shining through – The actual information on your profile is just as important as the pictures you choose, in my opinion. The picture may get them to click on your profile, but what is going to motivate someone to continue reading? A pretty face can only get you so far. The substance of your personality is what ultimately keeps the person interested.  If there is one tip that I can give you when you begin to compose your profile it’s this (and I don’t think I’ll be able to say this enough) – BE HONEST! Tell prospective daters who you are, what you like, what you don’t like, and what you’re looking for. Be specific and straight forward. It’s easy to tell who took the time to read the whole thing and who is genuinely interested in you versus the sketchy person who was just interested in your pants. 
4. I don’t see nothin’ wrong with not replying, baby – You’re not going to buy an outfit looks “just ok” on you, right? And you definitely wouldn’t pay your hard earned dollars on something that was simply hideous. So why waste your precious time replying to a message from someone you’re not interested in? Seriously, it’s not going to hurt anyone’s feelings. As a matter of fact, I’ve come across individuals who send the exact same message to a slew of people all at once. If you want to be polite and let the individual know you’re not interested, then great. Kudos to you. I’ve tried that and it opened up a can of worms (“But why don’t you like me?” and “Who are you to judge me without even giving me a chance? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera *insert violin music here*). It all boils to what I explained above. Yes, your pretty face may have initially attracted me to you, but the fact that you can’t spell to save your life, use poor grammar, are extremely superficial in your profile, and approached me with inappropriate vernacular will make me click the delete button. I know what I like and what I don’t like. And if you do, too, then feel free to do the same. Trust me. At the end of the day, you not responding to someone’s message isn’t going to devastate their existence on earth.

Go forth and match, fish, harmonize and spark some chemistry with folks, boys and girls! Have a great weekend!

Big x’s and little o’s


♥  - The Bougie Budgetista